Who did Billy Mays play for?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
