I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were trust falling into bushes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
