What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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