I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
