..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
