first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
