we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize