Banned from zoo.
Again?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
