so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
