You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i out mim tonsoeep
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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