You smell like stripper and shame
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
