Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
