smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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