They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
