i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
