You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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