I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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