Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
