Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
