True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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