Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
