HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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