Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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