Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
