my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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