david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
