He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
