it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
