They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize