My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
