My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
