talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
