Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
