You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
