its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
