She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
