so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize