I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
