what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
