Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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