K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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