I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
