she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
