God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
