As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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