I like to think it a success when the cops are called
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
