This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
