I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
