There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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