oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
