I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
