I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
