i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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