you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
