I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
