dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
