Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
