i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
