were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
