i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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