I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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