I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
