I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's blow job season.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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