i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize