My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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