Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
