I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
