if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
