Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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