Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
