It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
