But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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