she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
