Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
