Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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