I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
