Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
