Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
