Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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