Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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