he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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