the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
