and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
