Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
